Update since edition 1

In the first edition of the #iDare magazine in March I wrote an article on my life story and how I have grown up with disabilities, and the team helped me shoot a video so that I can share my story to help other young people in my position.

Since the last edition there has been an AMAZING response to my story – only 1 month later and my video has had over 500 views AND I was featured on the FRONT COVER (!) of the Swindon Advertiser after my video was played at the #iDare launch event and a reporter saw it. Some people who saw it at the event were in tears, and the Mayor of Swindon said that “he just thought he was just coming to launch the magazine - he "never thought he would watch such an inspiring video”. Then I was nearly in tears after loads of lovely people came and told me they thought I was an inspiration.

I am so happy how well it has gone. It makes me proud to share my story and help other young people that might be in the same situation as me.

Living with my condition

Although this has definitely been a high point in my life, sometimes I do still have my bad days, so I just wanted to share some thoughts on how my mental health has been impacted by my journey.

Some days I get bad days where I have really low moods, where I think too much and feel really down for ages. Not being able to eat or drink is very difficult as seeing people my own age going out drinking and enjoying themselves is very difficult. Special occasions like when I see my family having their Christmas dinner I just feel upset and left out. Health wise, I hate my life.

When I woke up from my coma my recovery took 2 months and I had to learn how to walk and talk again - they gave me a walking frame to practice walking with. I felt frustrated and embarrassed because I was 10 years old and using a walking frame. I saw all my friends in school running about having fun and playing football and it really frustrated me not being able to join in. It made me angry and upset - I felt useless and I felt like giving up.

Even now I still hate my voice so much because it’s so quiet where my vocal chords got damaged. It really gets me down when I have to repeat stuff to people when they can’t understand me – it’s frustrating and embarrassing. I feel like just being quiet and not using my voice because I hate repeating myself, I hate repeating myself, did I say I hate repeating myself?!? And some people have taken the mickey out of my voice in the past and it really upsets me because I’m already self-conscious about it and just wish I had a normal voice.

I really dislike being small for my age, it really frustrates me and upsets me being smaller than other people my age. I wish I was stronger than I am I just feel useless most of the time. It’s embarrassing when people ask how old I am and then they are shocked when I tell them how old I am. I just wish I was taller and stronger like other people my own age.

I know I should feel lucky to be where I am today, because when I was told I had cerebral palsy, I cried and cried because I thought I wouldn’t be able to use my legs anymore and be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life. So although it was a hard journey having all my rehab, and it was obviously worth it being able to walk now, it’s still really hard to move EVERY DAY.

Mental Health

I have my good days and my bad days, where sometimes, although I know I should be grateful for how much better I am than I could have been due to my illnesses, I still feel like I hate my life. But I have learnt that it’s ok to not be ok, and that it’s important to talk to people about how you are feeling.

The things that helps me is the thought that I could be helping other young people in my situation, and getting feedback from people makes me feel really good. Only last night I went to an award ceremony organised by Inner Flame at the Double Tree Hilton Hotel where there was about 100-200 people, and I was one of the 4 people who was picked to get an award for being really inspiring and doing incredibly well in life. I was so proud of myself being picked to get an award, and I hope that other young people out there reading this can see that if I can do it, then so can you.

#iDareToHoldMyHeadUpHigh